


i like you more when i'm lonely (you like me more when i'm on my knees)

by ryukyubat (edbloom)



Series: here's to teenage memories [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blood, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One Night Stands, Scars, Trans Male Character, fuck buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edbloom/pseuds/ryukyubat
Summary: Seungcheol is a bad choice because Seungcheol isn't in love with him, nor will he ever be.And maybe, Minghao is a bad choice too—because he's never known the difference between loving and settling for a temporary fix.—You like me more when I need you(I need you more than I want to)And, I need you more than I'm supposed to do(You need me more than you say you do)So, tell me what happens in the end?
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: here's to teenage memories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036170
Kudos: 12





	i like you more when i'm lonely (you like me more when i'm on my knees)

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey !
> 
> starting this one with saying to be careful and read the tags !! :ccc i talk alot about scars on this one so proceed with caution.
> 
> also phew! first time i wrote anything remotely spicy so real sorry if it comes off a bit awkward.
> 
> anyways, as always, enjoy !!
> 
> \- ely

_Bad choices._

His mother used to say that bad choices was like pressing a glistening blade against your skin. Piercing skin-deep. Clenched fist, veins prominent. Minghao's mother used to say that bad choices was like watching the blood drip from the wound and collect a puddle beside your feet. Trickling, and trickling—you would do nothing, just watch it drip like tear drops.

The cut isn't life-threatening, or dangerous, but it was a cut—and it _will_ scar. _Like the ones on your chest_ , she would say, _but unlike those_. These white lines etched on your arms, reminds you of every fleeting moment you chose against yourself.

Bad choices, she reminded him, you collect them and they never leave you.

_So don't make them_.

Oh, if his mother could see him now.

The night of Minghao's 19th birthday meets him at a bar, shitty and at the corner of a downtown avenue. Neon signs, convenience store lights and electric smoke. He sits on one of the stools, surrounded by his friends and acquaintances.

There's a bad choice between his thumb and pointer finger, another on the table in front of him, and

the _worst_ choice he could make sitting adjacent to him.

Soft murmur of the bar's music is wafting throughout the air, the electric fan's whirring crass and stark against it. His friends are causing a ruckus, high spirits and delirious laughter. It's suffocating, it's noisy, it feels like his ears are going to burst from pressure—but Minghao doesn't care, not tonight.

Minghao brings the cigarette to his lips, watching the way Seungcheol follows his fingers, trails and stares. Lips wrap around it and he takes a drag, long and lazy. Eyes on Minghao—on his mouth, there's a heat that climbs his back, dragging, longing, _searing_. Minghao parts his lips slightly, a slow drawl of smoke escaping. Seungcheol isn't looking away, eyes lingering on him as he brings the bottle in his hand to his lips. Time so slow as he finally looks Minghao in the eyes. Minghao doesn't flinch back.

Why would he? He's made enough bad choices to know where this one will end.

Loneliness was like this shadow.

It's the shadow that follows you home at 4 am as you leave the club. It's the feeling that follows you at the parking lot as you lock your car door. It's the still presence that watches you as you fall asleep, breathing like you, living like you.

Lingering, lingering, lingering.

Minghao finds it annoying, cumbersome, something he wishes he could shed off. Instead, it seeps into his words, into his actions, into his work. It sinks and sinks until the shadow houses itself in the deepest crevice of his chest. Curled like a child, not wanting to see the sun. Makes a home out of a place it is not wanted in.

Maybe, it's why he goes to Seungcheol. Because loneliness is a bothersome shadow, and all he wants it to erase it from his system. Seungcheol is convenient, Seungcheol is willing, and Seungcheol is better company than the gaping hole in the strings of his heart.

Loneliness leads to bad choices.

Loneliness leads him to Seungcheol's small apartment, alcohol coursing through his system. Back against a plush mattress, hands lifting his shirt off, and teeth grazing against the skin of his chest.

Burning, _it's burning_. Minghao moans as Seunghceol trails downward.

The shadow housed in the crevice of his chest leaves for the night, and Minghao doesn't miss it.

Bad choices are white-lined scars against your skin.

But bad choices can also be the bruises against your neck, your chest and your thighs.

A bad choice is Seungcheol, sleeping beside Minghao with his back turned to him, because Seungcheol isn't in love with him, nor will he ever be.

And maybe, Minghao is a bad choice too—because he's never known the difference between loving and settling for a temporary fix.

**Author's Note:**

> twt:  
> [@wzcle](http:/twitter.com/wzcle)
> 
> cc:  
> [@junle](http:/curiouscat.me/junle)


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